Some days are harder than others

It's hard to not feel so guilty when you can't get up and clean the house!  This is my only job and I can't even do it!  I've read a couple articles on this disease and have to kind of laugh when I read that it ONLY causes pain.  Then the next paragraph says that it's a very debilitating disease.  I guess if it won't kill you then it's no big deal.  But it does take your life.  This isn't something I wanted to have in my life.  When you can't go do things with your family, are child it makes it very hard.  You feel so guilty, and at times like a bad mother and wife.  I must say that as hard as it is on me it's also very hard on my family, and I'm very lucky that they are still here.  Some people don't understand or can't understand living in pain.  I've had some say that I'm so lazy, and it hurts because I would love to be able to do anything!  I know it's sometimes hard to understand things you can't see.  I always here but you look good.  Like I said you can't see the insides of people to see what the pain or disease is.  I'm very thankful for the family and the few friends that do understand and are still here for me.  I've had many "friends" go away because they don't understand.  Some think your making stuff up, to get attention.  I wish I was making it up so I didn't really have the pain!  I've even had people ask why do you keep going in and having surgeries, and don't think you need them are you addicted to them?  What? First off Dr.'s don't and won't do a surgery if you don't need it.  And since every time I have one they find something, then I guess I did need it.   I would much rather not have a surgery, but if there is even a 5% chance of being out of pain I'm in!
Any way enough of that!  Thanks to all have stayed and supported me.

What IC looks like

           Bladder with IC                                          Bladder without IC

Getting Diagnosed

I'm not sure just how long I have had IC.  I was diagnosed in Dec. of 2010 after a second Hydrodistention.  The first one was 6 months prior.  The disease had spread alot in those 6 months.  Now before this I had been in and out of Doctor's offices, Specialists, Pain Management, Hospitals, and had 17 surgeries.  This wasn't my first chronic pain issue.  I was diagnosed with Endometriosis at the age of 16.  I had surgeries to remove the Endo. a few times.  I was told I didn't have much of a chance to be a Mother.  I dealt with the pain of Endo. which was mostly a week a month (period time).  At the age of 26 I had a wonderful surprise when I found out I was pregnant!  Now this was a very painful, and hard pregnancy.  I went into labor at 21 weeks.  Luckily they were able to stop labor with medications.  I was put on bed rest.  I ended up in the hospital at least once a week some times more, in labor and getting shots to stop the labor.  Fortunately I never dilated, and 2 weeks after my due date I gave birth with an emergency C-section to a very healthy baby girl.  As the year after she was born my pain from the Endo. got worse and worse.  I was laying on the couch with a heating pad more and more.  I ended up going in and getting it removed again.  It didn't help at all.  I didn't know what to do.  I had this wonderful baby to take care of and not being able to do much at all.  After talking with my Dr. he tells me I should have a hysterectomy.  The first thing I thought was but I want another baby.  He told me I most likely wouldn't be able to carry another one, and that it would take all the pain away.  I agreed.  I needed to take care of the one I had, who needed her Mommy to be able to run around and play with her.  The year and a half after my full hysterectomy I felt so good no pain, no period!  I had my life back!  After that year and a half I had all this pain coming back.  What is going on?  I went to the Dr. and had another surgery to see what was going on.  No Endo. but you have massive adhesion's.  That is why your in so much pain he says. It kept getting worse, and I kept having surgeries to remove them.  This went on up until a year ago.  In and out of Dr. after Dr. and in pain management every month to get my pain meds.  They all left it at the fact that it was "just" the adhesion's.  I find a Dr. that I really liked, who didn't think I just wanted the pain meds. didn't think I was making it up or it was all in my head.  As I had heard over and over.  She asked me on one appointment "have you seen a urologist?"  No I have not.  She says I think you may have Interstitial Cystitis.  I go meet with him and he says yes it does sound like it.  I had a hydrodistention done.  When I woke up he said yes you have IC.  He says this procedure should help for about 6 months.  A week later I was feeling better.  Still had a lot of pain, but I was able to get out of bed, and even start helping at my daughters school.  Fast forward 6 months, it started getting worse and worse and I was back in bed.  I called him up and went in for another hydrodistention. This time he says that my bladder is a lot worse inside.  This one doesn't work very well.  That was Dec. of 2010.  He reminds me that there is no cure, no straight forward treatment that will fix it.  Last month I went back in.  I can't take having this much pain any more!  He does tell me well there is another treatment we can try. It's called bladder instillation.  I have to go in once a week, for 6 weeks.  The put some meds. into the bladder with a catheter.  The first 2 treatments don't help, the 2nd one made it worse.  I had the 3rd treatment yesterday, and it has helped so much!  My pain level has gone from 7-9 to a 2-3.  I know that it's not a guarantee and that it won't last for ever, but I'm glad to  have any hour, days, or maybe even weeks (if I'm lucky). 
It has been a very difficult journey to finally finding out what was wrong with me.  And it's hard to know that it's a disease that has no cure, and will get worse, but if there is something that will at least give me some very good days I'll take them.  

Interstitial Cystitis

Interstitial cystitis or Bladder pain syndrome/interstitial cystitis (commonly abbreviated to "BPS/IC") is a chronic, oftentimes severely debilitating disease of the urinary bladder.^[1] Of unknown cause, it is characterised by: pain associated with the bladder, pain associated with urination (dysuria), urinary frequency (as often as every 10 minutes), urgency, and/or pressure in the bladder and/or pelvis.^[2]
The disease has a profound impact on quality of life.^[3] A Harvard University study concluded, "the impact of interstitial cystitis on quality of life is severe and debilitating".^[4] A Harvard Medical School guide states that the quality of life of interstitial cystitis patients resembles that of a person on kidney dialysis or suffering from chronic cancer pain.^[5] The condition is officially recognized as a disability